The thing about giving up is you never know…. Tuesday, Jun 14 2011 


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So, I have pondered on my year and past decisions that I have made both good and bad but they were my decisions. I have to my biggest disappointment would be my divorce. Now see, this came from out of the blue, my ex husband decided to move on with someone else. Of course, I was devastated, I must have cried for 6 months straight, than denial, anger, depression, but most of all I gave up the fight for what was rightfully mine. My belongings, pictures of my childhood, 12 years of my life, my clothes, shoes, purses,and my everything. After 1 year of court dates and bullshit, I finally just walked away with the clothes on my back. I moved on and started all over with the help of my family and friends. It’s funny even now I’m very territorial with my belongings with my boyfriend. I bought it, it is mine. If this relationship would ever end, I will stand my ground and take what is rightfully mine. I know that it was material belongings from my marriage but I worked so hard to have the best of what I wanted. I think about all that I gave up, it was too draining and depressing how in a split second my life had changed. I miss my fathers photos and I items that I was given after he died, or the photo albums I spent making of my family growing up, or all my shoes and purses! But maybe I needed to go through that period of tine to see that I’m stronger and I will not just give up on anything but to make it through any part of my life that maybe difficult and move forward. I found this quote and thought it was meaningful:
“The thing with giving up is you never know. You never know whether you could have done the job. And I’m sick of not knowing about my life.”
— Sophie Kinsella (Remember Me?)

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Can you really forgive if you can’t forget Monday, Jun 6 2011 


So I have been laid up the last week from an injury self-inflicted, it’s called old age. Anyway, amongst my recuperation I receive a phone call from 2 old friends from when we lived in Miami, that were in Nola for the weekend and wanted to catch up. It’s strange because we were all transplanted to Miami, be it because of school, work, and the military. I was there because I was married and my ex husband was in the Coast Guard. None of us had any family there nor could we be with our families when we wanted. We would all get for all holidays, birthdays, and go out to the beach on the weekends. There were 16 of us “homeless” as the boys called it. We were a tight nit family. I remember crying at our going away party,I was gonna miss these great group of people who touched my life. My two pals who visited was Aaron and Hunter they were my favorites, always joking and laughing at anything that came their way. I loved hanging out with those two because it was always some funny story that came about. I was a little nervous to see them, don’t get me wrong I was totally excited after 7 years apart. Yeah we talked on Facebook but sitting down and seeing them was different. See, when I divorced it was very unexpected, I was madly in love. Our friends couldn’t believe that he left me, and I was so emotionally distraught. But time went on as so did I, and thought I wouldn’t feel these flood of emotions from my past. So, we meet for dinner, we all can’t believe we haven’t seen each other in so long. I was worried I had aged in my 7 years, but was told otherwise by my guys. Then, the stories of all the good times we had, our weekly dinners I would prepare for everyone, and what happened to my marriage. I hadn’t felt like something was missing until that moment. I guess I just swept my old feelings and emotions under the rug. I remember thinking ” I was so happy, my life was fulfilling, and had everything I wanted. So, I thought, my memories of my past were flooding my mind. This man I shared a great life with together just decided to move on without me. Can you really forgive if you can’t forget,,,, I would like to think so because maybe there was a different path I was to be on at this point in my life. Maybe I deserve to be with someone who will love all of me and not just some of me. We are told as young adults we should forgive and forget. But what if you try to forget just to forgive so that you can move on from this emotional moment in your life. As much as I try to block that time, maybe I should forgive and forget the pain and remember the good times and people I met through our marriage. I am stronger and almost to my happy place. I have hopes and dreams for my future and hope that forgiveness means forgetting my old wounds and move on to a happier future.