Sex and the City Quotes Thursday, Mar 21 2013 


“When you’re young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don’t leap at all because there’s not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there’s no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

~Carrie Bradshaw
Sex and the City


How to Read His Beach Body Language Tuesday, May 22 2012 

I’m a big people watcher, especially at the beach. I mean it’s a classic form of entertainment watching complete strangers setting up camp, wondering “why in the hell would you choose to wear that article of clothing”, or the watching the group of hot boys not to far from you play in the sand.
I’ve always wondered what is he thinking as he’s all muscled out, walking with his friends, or with a girlfriend applying sunblock on her back. Well, if you’re interested check this out…

How to Read His Beach Body Language

Body language experts say that guys are way flirtier at the beach. (Hello, that’s what your slammin’ body on display does to a dude.) His actions can tell you a ton about his hook-up potential and availability, so here’s a guide to the sand and surf behavior that screams “I Want You.”
By Brittany Talarico
Cosmopolitan June 2012

•He Strolls the Beach With a Bouncy Step
If you spot a hottie walking back and forth near your chair or towel with some pep in his step, pay attention. “A lively stroll conveys confidence and interest,” says body language expert Lillian Glass, PhD. He’s showing himself off for you, and it’s an early clue that he wants you to notice him.

•His Toes Are in the Sand…Pointed At You
“Even if his eyes and head are focused somewhere else, if his feet are directed your way and dig into the sand, he’s planted himself next to you to show interest,” explains Glass. Same goes for his upper body: If he positions his chest and shoulders at you, even if he’s looking at someone else, he’s still set his sights on you.

•He Plays With
His Board Shorts
When a guy grabs at the clothing around his waist, he’s subconsciously trying to draw your attention to his package. So if you see him pulling at the drawstring on his trunks or fiddling with the waistband, steamy thoughts are most likely running through his head. Thing is, this can also be a sign that he’s immature—he’s thinking only about sex, not getting to know you, adds Glass.

•He Stands Above You
“This is a power stance and he’s trying to dominate and show sexual attraction,” says Glass. Check how far apart his legs are too: If his stance is wide and his pelvis is facing you, then yowza—he’s really hot for you.

•He Splashes Around Solo
Uh-oh, beware this beach behavior. “It’s a childish, immature move; he’s jumping around in the water to try to get your attention when he should be spending more time connecting face to face or inviting you in for a dip with him,” says Glass.

•He Touches Your Bare Arm
Sure it’s hard for a guy to resist touching the sexy skin revealed by your bikini, but grazing your arm is a tip-off that he’s feeling a serious connection. Where he touches you tells you what he has in mind. “If he touches your shoulder, it indicates friendship,” says Glass. “Anywhere below that suggests he’s sexually attracted to you and very interested.”

•He Takes Off His Sunglasses
He may as well just get down on one knee right along the shoreline. Kidding! But if a guy removes his sunnies and engages in direct eye contact while chatting with you, he’s displayng real interest and is looking for more than just a happy hour companion.


10 Types of Douchebags Chicks Always Fall For and Why (Plus Their Female Equivalents… Tuesday, May 8 2012 

I got this from one of my guy friends, read and learn. Women, you are so much better than being with a complete Douchebag.

Women annoy me with their “abstinence is the best protection” when it comes to dating douchebags. Women can keep from dating douchebags no better than Bro’s can keep from taking home a drunk slut from the bar at 3a.m. It’s in your DNA. You can’t help it. We each get our social value from our ability to have done these or our readily available access to doing them, dating for women and casual sex for men.

Instead of trying to convince anyone not to be with these people I decided it was in all of our best interests to learn how to identify the male and female equivalents of this list by College Candy.

Through exhaustive research from being each one of these Bros and slamming each one of these women I have finally taken Stefanie Williams from “Chasing the Jersey” approach to dating. Know what you’re getting into, enjoy the ride and try to get out as unscathed as possible.

1. The Juicehead – Why you love him: “Look at him there, chest bulging out with not an ounce of fat on that body. I bet he could put me in positions no other man could.”

Reality: You’re going to be so sore after the workout he demands you do both in and out of the bedroom that you’re going to give up after a month of not eating chocolate and waking up for 5a.m. Crossfit. The fact remains that outside of simple eye candy this guy has nothing to offer anyone, even if he does have his own tv show.

Female Equivalent: Fake Breasts girl – Why we love her: “Look at her there, chest bulging out with not an ounce of fat on her. I bet she could do things to my dick that would make Sasha Grey blush.”

Reality: You’re going to be so broke after a month of trying to impress her that you’ll finally understand that “juice wasn’t worth the squeeze” even though you’ll still brag to your friends about how you totally got to third base with her… even though you didn’t. This girl invested $5000 of her own money you’ll be paying on for the rest of your life. That’s real business math.

2. The Boaster – Why you love him: This guy has the list of qualifications every mother looks for in her daughter’s suitor. He’s rich, successful, accomplished and willing to pay for your life of Xanax and daiquiri’s by his pool. Except he’s not, at least not with you because any woman worth her salt knows that his sh*t gets old as soon as he demands a pre-nup.

Reality: This guy might have all the bullet points you can spell out to your friends and family, that is until they meet him and realize what a failure you’ve become at meeting Mr. Right.

Female Equivalent: I’m just one of the guys-girl – Yes, she knows who the last person to own the rushing title before Barry Sanders and Emmitt Smith is (big ups to the Nigerian Nightmare), yes she agrees that Tim Duncan is the greatest power forward of all-time, yes she bought you Spurs playoff tickets and paid for the flight as a birthday present in 2009, and yes you had to cart her ass along with you for all of it.

Reality: This girl might be cool for a while, but once your bro’s realize she doesn’t have a single female friend then the clock starts ticking on her game night attendance. All her friends are guys for two reasons: 1) B*tches hate her & 2) Because all her guy ‘friends’ are still trying to bang her.

3. The Musician – Why you love him: One of my best friends is a musician and that dude traps more fur than Daniel Boone. Other than the fact that his music can melt the panties off J. Edgar Hoover I think this is simply because his music is emotionally apprised, can command a room full of people and looks good doing it.

Reality: I’m not going to ruin the mystery of these people so just check him out: His music is responsible for more pregnant women than a black man at a Jenny Craig convention!

Female Equivalent: The Stripper – Why we love her: This girl is full of hopes, dreams and excuses why those dreams never came true. Sure, you’re just stripping your way through college now but once that lucrative boob-job jettison’s you right to the top of the pole you’ll be turning tricks in the champagne room for Pac-Man Jones in no time. We men honestly believe while you’re up on stage and grace us with a quick glance that you have just chosen us for the night or the rest of our lives.

Reality: I’m am going to ruin the fallacy of this one: stripper’s are all insanely crazy whore’s. Lorena Bobbitt couldn’t hold a candle to the sh*t these women are capable of doing.

4. The Fronter – Why you love him: Much like The Boaster, this guy gets off on his own accomplishments even though none of them are really even his to own. His parents have dropped mad loot on this guy’s ability to shag women in their Escalade, House in the Hampton’s and even the South of France.

Reality: Even if he made it on his own that Caddy is a lease, that house is a time share and he had to check his credit card balance before charging that flight to a warmer climate. You’ll stick with this guy until the money runs out then think of another excuse for leaving him than being a money-grubbing whore.

Female Equivalent: Daddy’s Little Girl – Why we love her: This girl doesn’t want your money and isn’t impressed by what you drive, where you work or what your first date is like. All of the hard work is done for us by her father’s monthly expense account to his baby girl. Give this dalliance attention until you have to foot a bill in which she will be wondering why you aren’t as successful as her father and won’t be her man-slave for her cash.

Reality: The clock is ticking on this disillusioned little fawn so throw a couple quick ones in her, get a new watch and set of tires then best be on your way.

5. The Show-off – Why you love him: This one must trigger some cavewoman logic where Ug slings down a sabretooth tiger, beats his chest then drags you back to his cave. You love him because he will be your puppet for as long as you give him attention.

Reality: You probably won’t sleep with this guy because he won’t make that transition back to nice guy by the end of the night. One bad hook-up with this dude and you won’t hear the end of it for the rest of your life.

Female Equivalent: Sorority Girl – Why we love her: As soon as you hear the word “sorority” you imagine all the dirty things this girl will do for you and how perfect your union will become because “ring by spring or your money back” is the perfect assault on a single soror-stitute.

Reality: She only wants you as arm candy to make her lacrosse ex-boyfriend and slutty “little sister” that slept with him jealous. She sucks, my man, and you’re not the only one she’s swallowing.

6. Mr. God’s Gift To Women – Why you love him: In the split second we meet someone we all have a hard time deciphering arrogance from confidence. This guy thinks the world of himself for the same reason chubby girls think one night stands might actually like her: because he hasn’t learned his lesson yet.

Reality: Unless you plan an elaborate burn on this guy’s ego he will never learn his lesson. Either way, even if you do break this guy he’s not yours to keep.

Female Equivalent: The Hard 7 – Why we love her: These girls have the same problem as The Regulator, they’ve hung out with 9’s & 10’s for so long they start to believe they are one. They then develop a social Napolean Complex and become the yapping Chihuahua of the group demanding everyone’s attention.

Reality: Beware, because these women are the epitome of my motto “The only thing women want is money and attention.” Give them neither and you’ll have her wrapped up in the pretzel position in the upstairs Houston St. Bar & Patio in Ft. Worth, Texas in no time.

7. The User – Why you love him: Because you have daddy issues.

Reality: Unless you get counseling, the only guys that will be willing to date you are the ones that know what you’re worth and don’t mind charging you for it.

Female Equivalent: Daddy-Issue’s Girl – Why we love her: DIG’s require so little initial investment that they feign over the slightest bit of attention.

Reality: You had better know a good therapist unless, like Hank Moody, you want that prized collection of 1st Edition’s burned at the stake and you eventually drugged when your ex- takes you back. Seriously, Hank Moody needs to get his sh*t together.

8. Super Stoner – Why you love him: This guy is so agreeable that after dating the next guy on this list, being able to make up your own mind and never having to debate movie night, date night or girls night seems like a God send.

Reality: This guy doesn’t argue over date night because he’s not paying for it anyways. Plus, he’s just happy to have his munchies cured.

Female Equivalent: The Hippie – Why we love her: Hippie’s are so easy to get into bed, mainly because they haven’t slept in an actual bed since the last guy that offered her one.

Reality: These girls smell like motor oil, believe all things can be settled over a blunt and are going to steal your sh*t the first time you leave her alone in your house… just like with Hank Moody (seriously Bro, you gotta see Californication on Showtime). If you run Showtime you should definitely sponsor me.

9. The Great Debater – Why you love him: This guy seems intelligent only because he has a lot to say about topics you know nothing about.

Reality: Catch him in the act of conversation with one of your friends and see him flip-flop quicker than John Kerry in Michigan.

Female Equivalent: The Empowered Woman a.k.a. The Feminist – Why we love her: We don’t. You lesbians and super feminists aren’t feminine at all unless you’re one of my lesbian friends, then you guys rock! Seriously, lesbians make the best wingmen.

Reality: You’re going to have to sit through a lifetime of her spewing why men suck when all you want to do is fill that mouth with a good load of semen from the blow-jibber she will never give you.

10. The Player – Why you love him: This silver tongued snake was able to fly under your radar without tripping nary a one of your b*tch-traps or kick off your whore logic mentality. Everything he said and did was so smooth and agreeable that you fell right into his hands, and later his bed, without even realizing you were a pawn in his game until 15 minutes into your walk of shame.

Reality: Unless you either expect casual sex or are over the age of 30 you are going to have a few run-ins with this guy. Learn your lesson and move on.

Female Equivalent: The Bartender – Why we love her: This sultry vixen was so agreeable with you about planes being able to practically land themselves and how Lego’s will one day revolutionize the way we develop third world countries into competitive economic centralities that you left Jenn a $60 tip on a $19 tab which included your phone number on the receipt.

Reality: The sad thing is you will do it again next weekend because you still believe you have a chance (you do have a chance, you do). I’ve slept with my fair share of bartenders and it’s actually quite easy to pull this one off. Just be all of the guys on this list.

For more information on how not to suck visit

Is Anal Bleaching for You? Monday, May 7 2012 

You know my girlfriends and I always joke around about typical girl talk, you know anal bleaching (if one us check into a location like Walgreens, we will comment “pick up some anal bleaching”) vaginal rejuvenation (kegals really haven’t helped in that department) and of course the all time favorite: men and their penis talk during sex. What the hell it’s sex not a porno, that’s a whole other story (stay tuned…). Anyway I found this interesting article about Anal Bleaching, I didn’t know it was such a big deal as of lately. So here you go learn a little something about all you needed to know about enhancing the equipment downstairs. By the way good luck if you chose any of the items mentioned below.

Is Anal Bleaching for You?

By Ali Wentworth
Marie Claire
July 2011

I was in L.A. recently with a group of friends, devouring pommes frites and red wine, when someone blurted out, “You know, Suzanne had this horrible reaction when she had her anus bleached and had to go to the emergency room.” Yes, I know, I’m speechless, too (mostly because my mother-in-law will read this). I assumed this ritual was for dealing with a parasite. But no, Suzanne was given the treatment as a gift from the movie star who employed her. Me? I’m good with a facial, thank you very much.

Apparently, plenty of women want to go past the now-ordinary breast enhancement and pubic electrolysis to a place few have heretofore dared to go in the name of beauty. Much to my ignorance, bleaching one’s anus (I guess to bring it back to its budlike, puckish pink) has become an obsession far beyond the young jet set and the detail-oriented gay community. These days, anal-bleaching creams can be purchased as easily as cough drops. Let’s see … next Mother’s Day, should I go with the balloon bouquet or a gift certificate for total rectal beauty?

There’s more. Turns out Botox has come a long way since giving you a frozen face and eye sockets that look like they were hollowed out with a melon baller. Now you can Botox your bum. Why exercise if you can simply inject poison into your cellulite? The only downside is your butt won’t be able to really express itself anymore.

Our fixation on youth has reached new lows. Thanks to Brazilian waxes, everything is exposed and scrutinized. Back in the ’70s, liberated women used to squat over hand mirrors and have a look at their nether regions; these days they bring photos of porn stars to their plastic surgeons and say, “Make me look like this.”

“Vaginal rejuvenation” is now a fixture on the Web (I was looking at hybrid cars). Vaginal plastic surgery is a fast-growing specialty. Labia too big, not symmetrical, or just not pretty? Thankfully, for $3,000 to $7,000, you can tweak them, plump them, or remake them (just be prepared to lie in bed with a bag of frozen peas on your crotch for several days after). You can also get a twofer called the “Toronto Trim,” which involves the reduction of the labia and slight unhooding of the clitoris. I can’t tell if this is about aesthetics or women fed up with partners who are unable to find it.

Then there is the “new virginity” treatment called hymenoplasty, in demand by some women in Islamic cultures for whom virginity is more precious than oil. American women of all faiths are now flocking to the procedure and giving their men something different from the usual DVD or cashmere sweater. I wonder, does the gift of hymen come with a renewed naivete and shyness? Is part of the game the woman’s pretending that it really is the first time? (Will she cry, like I did?)

G-spot enhancement is also taking off; apparently, you can expand and sensitize the area by injecting it with hyaluronic acid or collagen. The payoff? A constant state of arousal lasting between three and six months. Imagine the happy soccer moms not screaming at you in the parking lot for once.

Of course, if “pelvic relaxation” is your problem, there’s now laser surgery to tighten and reconstruct vaginal muscles — in other words, a “puss-lift.” If science has found a way to turn an outie belly button into an innie, why not relocate your genitals? Hell, why not just put them on your head?

With the country at war and global tension near the breaking point, it’s a great time to have your nipples enlarged, tattoo a new lipline, and fix those imperfect labia, damn it. The good news is, you can also hire a “mummysitter” — a woman who comes and cares for you after your procedures. She’ll heat up the Lean Cuisine, bring home the Sex and the City box set, and change the nasty gauze. Yes, you’ll be in extreme pain, but thanks to your enhanced G-spot, you’ll be grinning all the way!

– Marie Claire


How to have Sex on the Beach… Thursday, May 3 2012 

How to have sex on the beach is about as much fun as sex in a pool. I can recall my first time with a one night fling while I had just moved to Panama City Beach. Of course there was drinking involved, beautiful night, and a very cute guy. We were at a bar on the beach and after some constant flirting, we decided to go for it on the beach. It was exciting and sandy. Of course everything was going well until the water came up, washed my skirt and shirt away. The beach security busted us mid way and have to say I was slightly embarrassed. We did accomplish our goal of sex on the beach and then some. But here are a few pointers for you sand in the cracks and sex on the beach….

Exactly How to Have Sex on the Beach
by Ariane Marder
Glamour June 2012

And no, I do not mean the unfortunately-named cocktail. I’m talking real-deal fornication in the sand.

The year was 2000, and I had fallen hard for my friend’s cousin (looking back, it was clearly the allure of vacation sex that had me so smitten, but whatever). We were at a New Year’s party at a beach house and I was wearing a floor-length black dress. After ringing in the new millennium, we decided to take a romantic stroll and well, we didn’t end going very far before planting ourselves in the sand and getting busy. I learned a few valuable lessons that night that I feel it’s my duty to share:

1. Time is of the essence.
Nighttime is obviously the easiest time due to the darkness factor and because there’s usually no one around. (It’s also the only time you can get away with being completely naked on most American shores.) But if you find yourself at the beach mid-day, all hot and bothered by something besides the sun, you have another option: Location scouting. Look for a stretch of sand that’s secluded (duh) and preferably only accessible by one entrance (so that you can see who is coming).

2. Sand is your vulva’s enemy (notice I didn’t say vagina?).
To avoid sand crotch, there are a few precautions you can take. Bring a giant towel or beach blanket that will fit the both of you comfortably. Or, better yet, make like a family with a baby and bring one of those portable beach cabanas that give you optimal coverage. (Your skin will thank you, too!)

3. Position yourself wisely.
Despite what the movies show, missionary is not ideal for beach sex. Say, for instance, in lieu of your best efforts to remain unseen, you are happened upon by peepers. His naked bum will be a dead giveaway that you are in a salacious act. Instead, I suggest spooning (and if you’re in a bathing suit, it’s easy to move your bottoms to the side). You could also sit on his lap facing him and wrap your legs around him. But be sure to drape a towel around your shoulders for privacy. And please watch out for crabs (the crustaceans, sillies)!

4. Make it count.
Once the logistics are out of the way, now comes the easy part: enjoying it. Having sex on the beach is wild and romantic. And, let’s be honest, it’s not something you can do on a daily basis. So take a moment to listen to the waves crashing on the shore, or if it’s night, look up at that beautiful starry sky.

5. Rinse (and repeat!).
OK, so chances are you’ll end up sandy (and a bit sticky). Here comes the best part: The water is only steps away. Head for a swim and wash away any sediment you may have picked up in the act. I assure you that the lapping waves and salty ocean make for a one-of-a-kind post-coital snuggle.

Raise your hand if you can’t wait for summer!

Photo: Thinkstock