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So, here it is The 4th of July, our country’s Independence. It’s ironic how the 4th of July and my life would have similar meaning. Growing up as a child I loved this holiday, going to the beach, grilling and BBQ, and watching the fireworks. It was even more important when I was married, my ex and I started seeing each other around this time. We would go to the beach, picnic, and watch from the rocks on the beach the fireworks display. We would celebrate this holiday as our start of our relationship. But 6 years ago my marriage fell apart ( not by my choice ) when he met “his soulmate” and that he was in love with his best friend. Wow, those words still sting a little, see he met her and spent the whole 4th of July with this stranger, that after 4 days was his soulmate. I was in Florida he was in Cape Code ( where we were just stationed from Miami ) I didn’t plan on us to separate and divorce. This was a shock, I could have never seen this coming by a long shot. He was my world, my life, my future, and my love. He broke my heart and I have never truly enjoyed this holiday, I know that this day symbolizes the Independence our Country endured, but I guess it will also mark my independence for love, life, safeness and happiness. I truly miss my life that I had with my ex, I never would have thought my life would be unfulfilled ad far as relationships goes. I would’ve given anything to get back all that I lost from him. But he broke my heart, moved on with someone else and not even care how my life fell apart. I miss the feeling of being in love, having a marriage and always wanted for a child. As my life is hitting 40 years in a few weeks I just have to believe that maybe he wasn’t the one or maybe he was but not meant to last a lifetime. He is still with his soulmate and had his family he wanted so badly that I could never give him. I would give up all I have just to feel that happy as I did growing up and when I was married. I have had so many of life’s hiccups, that I want for that life, I deserve that life, but why is it so hard to find that one true love I so want. I want for next year to have a different meaning, that I want to spend this day with the one who will make me happy and not be so sad to think what all that I lost and to be happy for what I gained. I gained the love and support of my family. I met some great people in my life that has been a constant for me, and I survived the greatest heartbreak that I thought I would never overcome. So, I will try to see the beauty of this holiday, watch the fireworks and love the oohing and awing . Happy 4th of July and enjoy it with the ones you love.

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