20110627-063958.jpg

So here it is summertime, hot, and humid down in the Big Easy! I know it’s been a while since I written but since having this pinched sciatica nerve in my hip has been excruciating and very humbling. I am the type of person of is strong, assertive, and helps others. Having being down physically, depending on others to help me has been a struggle. But I am doing my best to recuperate as the doctor suggested and rest. I feel like I’ve missed out on lots in the last month that I have been down. At least I have made it a priority to shower, make up on, hair done, and dressed because than at least I look better maybe I’ll feel better. Funny, I know, but it helped a little. At least my job has been really good about me being out and working from home because I would be screwed. Things with the man haven’t been so great, I wish I could just be strong and end this, but he has nobody in his life. Not one of his family members call him or his daughter. He barely has a fulltime job and vehicle. I feel so stuck because I love him, he would do anything for me but, I want more, someone who can finically support himself. I want to be “wine and dine” but apparently this is never the case. I wish he would freaking get a clue and grow up. I know what I need to do and this is why I’m giving it the next few months and give me best in the relationship. I have thought about expressing my decision timeline with him but he is oblivious. He cares and loves me but he is a “dreamer” and doesn’t think realistically, I want a doer, someone that I can rely on when times are bad and that it’s not always on my shoulders. I deserve so much more, bur why is it so hard to have. Sometimes I feel like it will never be, but I can’t have that in my head and my heart because my love is out there, someone who can make me happy instead of sad, he will be responsible but fun. I will have to believe and work my way to my goal. In these months coming I will lose those extra lbs I have gained ( well first physical therapy with the pinched nerve ) maintain my great job, and save my escape funds ( just in case ) and build my happiness within myself. I just have to have FAITH!

~sometimes you don’t need a goal in life, you don’t need to know the big picture. you just need to know what you’re going to do next!”
— Sophie Kinsella (The Undomestic Goddess)

Advertisements