Well, so much for my blog last week about changes to make in my life because since I have been ill i have come to hate the predicament that I am in as of right now. After  going to three ( 3 ), yes, three hospitals, medication overflow, lack of working my job, I am still suffering from my pinched nerve. I have never felt so physically and mentally rundown. Now, see I am still making it an effort to drive the 45 minute commute to work, which is agony in itself, try to make myself look pretty and presentable but have a lot of pain  from the pinched nerve in my hip. I can’t even  take a relaxing shower for I have to rush through it  just to get off my feet. What makes me so mad is that the Doctors just look at you with this number on youre chart and don’t even listen, plus of course I do not have health insurance, so it makes for my situation worse. I hate having to even ask or depend on anyone or anything, but now I have to depend on the man to help me up in the morning, make me breakfast, help me to my car, and repeat the same thing when I get home from work at the end of the day. I do not care to be laid up in pain and agony on a daily basis, nor do I want to be on medication to mask my pain. I feel the resentment from him and myself, but funny thing is my mom would go and do to no end for me, as I would for her. It has been depressing the last few weeks, I am trying to stay positive, but it seems not likely. I want to be able to walk the distance from my front door of my house to my car without crying, or get dressed up to hang out with my friends, or go shopping with my mom. None, of these things are even a thing I can look forward to until I can feel better. As I am approaching my 40th birthday in less than a month, my life is not what I have expected. I have been working so hard to make the changes to be happy but, only to be held back or broke down. Jesus, it is always some stupid battle to fight just to get on the path I want to be on. What did I do to piss off the karma in   my life. I am a good person, give if I can, work hard, and for crap like this to set me back. I know if you are reading this, it may seem like a pity party but really over it. I try to do everything the right way because that is how my parents raised me but, at what point do I get to get a break. I have endured a lot in the last six years and have more than made up for it, when will it be for me! I will try to be positive and hope for the best! I will say thank you to my mom and for my best friend and her mom for all their help.